Couples Therapy
by Omega Overlord
Summary: Larxel oneshot. Larxene and Axel argue all the time, so Zexion takes it upon himself to explain to them why. T for language.


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Kingdom Hearts portrayed within.

Larxene sat upon one of the couches in the library, reading her copy of 'Marquis de Sade'. Even though she had read the book countless times it was still the best thing she had ever read. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a large head of spiky, red hair make its way over to where she was. Axel plopped down on the other end of the couch, opened a book on fire, and propped his boots up on her knees.

Larxene's eyes slowly look over at the Flurry of Dancing Flames, "…Could you possibly go somewhere else?"

Axel drops the book flat against his chest, "What? You don't find me good company?"

Sparks jump between the strands of hair on The Nymph's forehead, "…NO!"

Axel puts one of his hands where his heart would have been, "Oh… now I feel sad."

Larxene snaps her book shut, "Idiot. We don't have hearts, we can't feel."

Axel gives her an amused look, "Dunce. We remember, that's why we aren't Dusks."

So started another one of their lengthy arguments. Behind the librarian's desk Vexen buried his face in a cushion and gave a muffled scream of frustration before creating a pair of icy earmuffs. In the back of the library, Lexaeus grimaced in displeasure before creating two stone earplugs, shoves them in and goes back to his 'advanced' cross-word puzzle. In the music section Demyx tried to play his sitar but only managed to pick out sour note after sour note.

Zexion finally broke the argument up, "Would you two just get a room already?!? It will save the rest of us a lot of headaches."

Larxene turns her head and just notices that Zexion was only five feet away in another over-stuffed chair, "What the hell are you talking about Shorty? We don't like each other. That's why we argue."

Vexen yells from the front of the library, "Indeed, you argue like a married couple!"

Axel shoots an odd look towards the front before looking back to Larxene, "…That's a bit much."

Zexion rubs his temples in frustration, "…Look… will both of you acknowledge the fact that I know what I'm talking about when it comes to matters of the mind?"

Axel nods, "You're the bookish one. Why not?"

Larxene pouts, "As if I'm going to give you credit for anything without proof."

Zexion wordlessly holds up the book in his lap, the title read, 'Psychology for Geniuses'. The pages were dog-eared about five pages from the end.

Larxene glares at Zexion for a moment, "…Fine. Dispense your wisdom o wisest of all."

Zexion coughs lightly, "I'm sure you are familiar with the term 'a love hate relationship'?"

Axel and Larxene both nod.

Zexion continues, "That is what you both have with each other."

Axel goes wide-eyed, "Whoa, whoa, whoa back up. Are you saying that I subliminally like Larxy here?"

Zexion nods, "That quaint, affectionate nickname is another sign. And Larxene, have you ever physically assaulted Axel?"

Larxene pauses, "…No… but that's only because…ah…because…shit."

Zexion smirks, "Can't think of a reason that paints yourself in a positive light can you? Furthermore…"

Both Larxene and Axel launch a furious attack upon the seated Zexion. The chair disintegrates under the combined heat. Zexion appears in a different chair about three feet away.

The Cloaked Schemer chuckles, "That's another thing, you wordlessly coordinated an attack upon my illusion that would have brought both of you a form of pleasure. Axel, from making something burn. Larxene from causing pain, but you, Nymph, would be deriving pleasure from the pain that both of you were causing. In that respect, you are the perfect couple."

There was a long moment of silence… before both Larxene and Axel shot a look at each other out of the corners of their eyes, and at the same time. Both quickly turned away as both of their faces flushed deep red. Neither willing to admit that Zexion was right to a rather large degree.

After a long moment of silence Zexion commented, "Oh don't just sit there. Kiss each other and get it over with why don't you?"

At the same time, Axel and Larxene turned to look at Zexion with murder in their eyes. A large fireball appeared in Axel's hand, sparks jumped between the strands of hair on Larxene's forehead.

Zexion became pale, "…I get the point."

The short nobody stood and walked away, leaving Axel and Larxene sitting on the couch in complete silence.

After about sixty seconds Axel casually leaned over, "So… seeing as we supposedly like each other…"

Larxene cut him off abruptly, "There is no way in hell that I'm sleeping with you even in a million years. You can take your perverted mind and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

Axel gave Larxene an amused look, "…I wasn't thinking anything like that. But if that's what your mind automatically jumps to…"

Larxene turns red, "Shut up………… what did you really have in mind?"

Axel looks off into the void, "I was thinking a tropical beach somewhere… maybe the Destiny Islands…" Axel looks her in the eye, "And maybe you could terrify the children on the island if we get bored."

Larxene's face took on a thoughtful look, "…That might work…"

Axel starts to laugh suddenly.

Larxene glared at Axel, "What's so funny?"

Axel points at her, "You are such a sadist, enjoying the terror of little children. What kind of role-model would you be for our kids!?!"

Larxene shot back, "Oh? I'm a poor role-model? What about you? You're a pyromaniac, I'd be lucky if the kids didn't burn the entire house down!"

They both start laughing hysterically before they come to a realization.

Larxene stops laughing suddenly, "…Were we seriously just talking about what kind of kids we would have?????"

At Larxene's outburst Axel stops laughing, "Damn… guess emo-boy was right… what do we do?"

Larxene fingers one of her knives thoughtfully, "The island sounds good right now… but after we beat the crap out of Zexion."

Axel chuckled, "Sadist."

Larxene shot Axel an evil look, "Pedophile."

It took Axel a second to understand what Larxene had just said, "…Oh that was a low blow… ok, I see how it is. A-cup."

Larxene's mouth fell open, "You ass!"

Axel laughed, "Damn… Vexen was right. We do act like a married couple…"

Larxene laughed, "A married couple that just went to couples therapy."

Axel laughed, stood, and in an overly dramatic fashion, gallantly offered his hand to Larxene, "Come my dear Larxy, we have a certain emo nobody to hunt down."


End file.
